Play to Win
by the Prince's Jewel
Summary: The Gryffindors are having a Human Scavenger Hunt. I play to win. Yes, it's a self insertion. I felt like annoying Gryffindors.


Obviously, a self-insertion, although I promise this one is rather Mary-Sue-ism-less. (Well, except I get to be able to do magic, attending Hogwarts and all. grins) Not my first Potterverse Mary-Sue, just the only one that's complete.

Oh yes, disclaimer: Stupid people may push the back button. Everyone else may continue reading.

Jewel examined the paper, then smirked. She darted down the corridor, heading for the dungeons. Catching sight of a young Slytherian, she followed him to their common room. Which, naturally, had the door shut when she got there. Shrugging, she leaned against the wall. It wasn't too long before another Slytherin appeared.

"What're you doing here?"

Jewel pulled the scrap of parchment from her pocket. "I need the lunkhead… that big guy that follows Malfoy everywhere. What's his name?"

"Uh, Crabbe or Goyle. They both do. Follow… what do you want them for?" The young Slytherin suddenly realized he should be suspicious.

"Hush and let me in. I gotta talk to Malfoy anyhow."

The boy let her in, either too much in shock or too curious to do otherwise. She paused six steps inside the common room, and looked around thoughtfully. "Gonna have to find excuses to come here… you guys have such interesting décor…"

Silence fell. Jewel returned the glares sent her way with a cocky grin. "Where's Malfoy? Oh, hi Professor! I need to talk to…. Oh, there you are."

"What do you want?"

"Your help."

"My help?" Draco laughed at her, then sneered. "Why would I help a Gryffindor?"

Sewel smiled at him, plopping herself next to him on the couch and leaning closer. "Today's password to the Gryff common room, changes to it for the rest of the week if you don't ask questions, and the chance to piss off Potter, Weasley, and McGonagall without getting in trouble."

Silver eyes gleamed. "What do you want me to do?"

Everyone eyed the chair as an invisible someone obviously sat in it. Jewel rested her hands on the person's shoulders. "Last in, last to go, right?"

"Um, sure." Harry turned to Hermione. "Guess that makes you first."

Jewel leaned down a bit. "Relax, will you? You're so tense it's not funny." Her hands trailed over shoulders to arms, then back. "It's not that scary in here - no, don't you dare say anything to spoil my surprise!" She began kneading the muscles that had tensed even more at her comments. Most of the sixth and seventh years, plus a few fifth years, had participated in the scavenger hunt, so it was taking awhile to get to her. As of yet, no one had brought in all ten, not even by doubling people up.

The person beneath her fingers began to relax in minute bits, eventually leaning an invisible head against her. Jewel knew perfectly well how odd her actions appeared, since no one could see who was beneath her fingers. She didn't actually care, though she did just finally rest her hands on the invisible shoulders. Her grin turned nearly savage as her turn neared, and she thought of the reactions her choices would ignite.

"Your turn, Jewel." She was annoyed when the muscled shoulders promptly tensed again.

"'kay. Go for it."

"First, Prince or Princess Charming?"

She smirked. "Draco Malfoy."

"What!"

Draco shed an invisibility cloak, an honest smile of amusement on his face as he surveyed the audience. "My lady Jewel."

"He's not charming! He's a prat!"

"Just because Harry is your Prince Charming doesn't make him mine, Weasley. I chose Draco. Elegant, well-bred," she grinned down at the boy, "and rich. Besides, he's perfectly charming when he wants to be."

Draco lounged against air - leaning on the invisible person-in-the-chair's leg. "Of course I can, my lady. I'm not a savage."

"Fine, whatever," Harry interrupted quickly. "Second, a lunkhead."

"Where Draco goes, Gregory follows," Jewel quipped. Groans greated her sally, turning more heartfelt when Gregory's cranky voice state he was not a lunkhead.

"Gregory, dear. You were supposed to take the cloak off." He did, to muted laughter.

"Third, strong and silent."

"Vincent," Jewel replied immediately. "As if the three can be separated, honestly!"

"Fourth, the quiet and studious?"

"Blaise."

The handsome Slytherin dropped his borrowed cloak, leaning against the other leg of the still invisible person in the chair. He smiled slightly at the growing perturbation in the common room.

"Pure virgin," Harry said quickly, trying to quell the rising noise.

"Contrary to popular belief, Pansy is still a virgin." The Slytherin girl uncloaked to the very unmuted murmuring that greeted her introduction.

Harry swallowed hard. "I'm almost afraid to ask, but number six, a person you want to get to know better?"

"Draco," Jewel replied.

"Okay, right, and seven, your best friend?"

Jewel smirked. "Myself, of course. I'm the only one knowing anything about me, after all."

"How can you say that!"

"Hermione," Jewel turned to face her, "when is my birthday, where am I from, and what are my hobbies? My favorite color?"

"Your birthday's in July. No one knows where you're from, you hate everything, and red."

She was interrupted. "She's from America," Draco drawled. "Every Slytherin knows that much. July 16th is her birthday. She likes reading down by the lake, preferably in next to nothing, and wandering around the castle at night. Her favorite color is black."

"Simple observation," Blaise continued, "also garners the facts that she adores chocolates, despises strawberries, and always sits alone in the Great Hall."

"She don't like me," Greg offered.

"She don't like using quills," Vincent added. "Likes those sticks she carries around."

"She's not afraid to show up for Potions," Pansy finished.

There was silence, which Jewel eventually broke with a giggle. "You people pay entirely too much attention to me. My eighth?"

"Eight - scary female?"

"Millicent."

Millicent dropped the cloak she wore. "She's also the only Gryffindor to terrorize a Slytherin into letting her into our common room."

"I did not! I think he was too confused about me wanting to talk to the oversized body guards and the effeminate one to think of a reason to keep me out."

Silence. "The effeminate one?" Harry choked out.

"Angel, of course. Can we get on with it?"

"Uh, right. Nine…" Harry looked up from his sheet, eyes wide. "You didn't!" he squeaked.

Other Gryffindors seemed to catch on. The circle around the Slytherins widened abruptly. Jewel waited. Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs suddenly surged for the walls. The professors in the room exchanged puzzled looks.

"Harry?" Jewel said patiently.

"Number… nine…. Did… did you find a… professor?"

Ron Weasley went pale. McGonagall's jaw dropped just before her eyebrows drew together in fury.

"Of course I did. Professor Severus Snape." She pulled the cloak from his head and shoulders as Blaise and Draco pulled it away from his legs. Snape pushed the rest of it aside, sneering at McGonagall.

"Aren't you proud, Professor McGonagall? The girl faced me, in front of my House, with no one to back her up. Quite a display of Gryffindor… courage."

McGonagall's lips pressed themselves into a thin white line.

"Nine points ties you with…"

"There's ten descriptions," Jewel interrupted. "and unlike the rest of you, I have my tenth."

Harry gaped. "You do?"

"Of course. I set out to win, after all."

"Number ten, then. Someone you think is hot, but haven't told, and wouldn't if you didn't want to win. You must reveal this person by either giving them a hug or kiss."

Jewel took a deep breath, hands still resting lightly on Snape's shoulders. "This is bloody damned embarrassing." She moved, sliding her arms around her choice, and kissing his cheek.

Snape sat frozen. McGonagall's mouth dropped open again. Hagrid and Flitwick stared. Sprout blinked. Hooch choked. Binns sighed. Florius gaped. Albus' twinkle died and he frowned.

The students found their voices.

"EWWWWWW!" came the ringing chorus from the non-Slytherins. Something more related to "Wha?" and "Huh?" was heard from them.

Jewel smiled, brushing another soft kiss against his cheek before pulling away. "You always have been my favorite teacher here."


End file.
